INSULTS: I found the following several years ago!
Its a list of insults collected on Internet newsgroups, and it is brilliant!
You swine. You
vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. You couldn't pour water out
of a boot with instructions printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open
wound. You must have taken your last vacation in the Isles of Stupidville.
You're a
putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving
nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk and a weasel. I take that
back; you are a festering pustule on a weasel's rump. Your life is a monument
to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, an overflowing latrine, a big suck
on a sour lemon.
I will never get
over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a
monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all
the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than
nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a stinking snotrag, the dregs of this earth.
You are a technicolor yawn. And did I mention that you smell?
You are a
squeaking rat, a mistake of nature, and a heavy-metal bagpipe player. You were
not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world that rejects the likes of
you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg, either, but rather a mutant maggot
egg rejected by an evil scientist as being below his low standards. Your
alleged parents abandoned their bastard whelp at birth and then died of shame
in recognition of what they had done to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit
late!!
Try to edit your
responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress me with your
insights. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to
readers, but they will be able to access it ever so much more rapidly. If
cluelessness were crude oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou.
You are a
thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than you have. You are a
few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short of a full deck, a few bytes
short of a full core dump, and a few chromosomes short of a full genome. In
HTML, God created toads, houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas,
ticks, slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards
and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are Satan's spawn. You
are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the slough of despair. You are
the entropy that will claim us all. You are a green-nostrilled, crossed eyed,
microcephalous, hairy-livered inbred trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good.
You are weary,
stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty, and profane. You
are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you.
Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for
attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant
and your markup doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted
together. You should be promoted to Engineering Manager.
Do you really
expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read or listened to?
Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and
conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity
used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't
look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all
siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The
good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to
go into the sewers in search of your git.
You are a waste
of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the
moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void.
You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a dung-bred maggot, a
drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make Quakers shout and strike
Pentecostals silent.
You have a
version 1.0 mind in a version 6.13 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop
around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think that
REALBOYLE is the name of a rock band. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would
watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you.
On a good day
you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends
character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You
are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang
up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the
source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May
you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage
and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you
leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when
you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you.
You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter. Bugger off, pillock. You are a grotty
wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking
half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You
bloody churlish boil-brained clot pole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead
cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking
flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed
flirt-gill. May your spouse be blessed with many bastards.
You are so
clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and
did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny clues at the height of
clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. You are a fiend and a
snivelling coward, and you have bad breath. You are the unholy spawn of a
bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear strangely mismatched
clothing with oddly placed stains. You are degenerate, noxious, and depraved. I
feel debased just knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you, and I
wish you would go away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You
won't make it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which
became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.
It is hard to
believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone that the other stones
make fun of. So stupid that you have travelled far beyond stupid as we know it
and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid
stupid. Stupid collapsed to a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed
into stuponium. Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity
stupid. Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one
minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be
possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid.
This is a
primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid
with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must
apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this experience,
you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can summon the
strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring
trivia or your other drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse
than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you
wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at
constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a
bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later
in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have
more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us
"normal" people take for granted, and that everyone has an easy time
of mastering. We sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons
in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this
was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to what you
wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a
handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social
struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
PS/ You are
hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly,
mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic,
barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigotted, racist, sexist,
avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant,
deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic,
fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless,
EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking,
devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist,
dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling,
restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling,
uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive,
aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,
abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good.
I hope this
helps...
